I Simply Must Go
by nattieb
Summary: Rose knows that he is the same man, but does she really? A missing moment between Christmas Invasion and New Earth. Written for the songs in time December Carol-a-thon on LJ. Prompt: 'Baby, It's Cold Outside.'


"I should go." She said it so softly that she wasn't even sure that he'd heard and she briefly wondered if she even meant it. Things had been awkward between them since Christmas. Stilted conversations, shy looks, and forced laughter. They were trying though, and that was what was important. She had made it her mission to spend as much time with him as possible, to reestablish the friendship that had meant so much to her. That was what tonight had been about, a night together 'in.' There had been tea, and cocoa, tinkering, and laughter. Tonight was the first time that she felt that the man before her was still her Doctor, despite the differences.

This Doctor had eaten with her mother three times. This Doctor had asked to borrow some of her hair gel. Well, not asked as much as barged into to Rose's room and took it, all the while explaining the difference between Earth hair gel and the hair gel from Parvarin VII and how they really must go there. This Doctor laced their fingers together when he reached for her hand. This Doctor held her just a bit longer when he hugged her goodbye. And yet even with all this she was still hesitant about her place in his life.

"You don't have to," he finally answered, continuing to work on the console. She looked up from the section of grating she'd been studying, startled. She had been so lost in thought she had nearly forgotten speaking the words aloud. He still hadn't looked up from his work, but he had edged closer to her. She sat staring at him, willing him to speak.

He finally stopped his tinkering and looked up at her, his eyes solemn and endless. Rose felt that she could easily get used to…well, no good would come of starting down that road. She offered a weak smile and broke the gaze, moving over to the jump seat where she had left her bag.

"You don't need to leave Rose," he said again his voice soft and hesitant, as if he was afraid of her leaving. "You've stayed here before when we've been visiting your mum."

Yes she had, she thought to herself, when he was a different man.

Part of Rose felt that she was betraying the Doctor with that thought. It wasn't that she didn't trust him. She still trusted him more than she trusted herself, but there was part of her that was holding back. It had only been four days since she had lost him yet he was still here beside her. It was all still so confusing and she knew that staying even just one night in the TARDIS right now would muddle her thoughts even more. She just needed a bit of time away to wrap her mind around the confusion before they left again.

Rose searched for an excuse, any excuse, that wouldn't hurt him. "Yeah, but Mum…" she started. She knew it was flimsy and she could tell by the look of sadness in his eyes that the Doctor knew it too. Yes, her mother had been clingy the last few days, but it was to be expected after months of not knowing if Rose was alive after Jackie had sent her back to save the Doctor, and then this disastrous Christmas. But, despite that, she knew that Jackie wouldn't mind if she spent the night in the TARDIS, at least not now. Something had changed in her mother's attitude toward the Doctor, about the same time the Doctor changed himself.

"Jackie, will know right where you are." The Doctor's words, spoken very softly, interrupted Rose's reverie. As he spoke, he took her hand and threaded their fingers together. She still marveled at how perfect they fit together, and how often his hand sought hers over the past three days. He gave her hand a squeeze, a soft smile grazing his lips and added, "Rose, call her and let her know you're okay."

And this was another change. Not only had her mother's attitude softened towards him, his attitude had softened toward her mother.

Torn between wanting to stay but knowing that she couldn't, not tonight, she blurted out, "Then there's Mickey."

"Ah." The Doctor's voice was clipped and disinterested, his face now blank. He dropped her hand as if it were on fire and moved to the other side of the console.

"No, not like that," She hastened to assure him, mentally kicking herself for bringing Mickey up. "It's just he has been, well…" she searched for the right word, "hovering since Christmas."

"Hovering?" His left eyebrow quirked up in amusement and Rose felt herself smile at the gesture.

"You know," she rushed to explain, trying to keep the levity in her voice, "over all the time. Wanting me to come down to the pub with him. Calling to see if I've eaten dinner. You know, hovering."

"Well, he will be fine if he doesn't see you for a night." If she hadn't known any better she would say that he was actually jealous of Mickey. "Anyways, it will be good for the lad, teach him that he can't always have you."

"Yeah…" she answered absentmindedly, her mind still mulling over the Doctor's possible jealousy. It was impossible that he was jealous, right? Wait had he just said…"what?"

"Nothing." His face a mask of indifference, he went back to turning nobs, trying to look busy; she knew he wasn't. He had done this before when he had wanted her to simply forget something.

"Doctor."

"What." His voice was clipped and annoyed and he refused to look at her again. She felt a sense of familiarity in this tone and attitude; maybe he hadn't changed so much after all.

"Never mind," she answered wearily.

He continued on with his task and the silence between them stretched on for minutes. She looked longingly at the corridor that led to her room. She was starting to feel that perhaps she should stay tonight, to prove to him and to herself that everything between them was fine. But they weren't fine. They were close to fine, but not yet. But standing here in an awkward silence wasn't going to help them get to fine. She needed to make a decision. Deciding on the easy way out tonight, she squared her shoulders and said again, "Really, I should go."

"Rose," he said, not looking up from the console. "If you wanted to leave you would have already gone."

She hadn't expected that. He still knew her so well and she felt at a disadvantage, like maybe, even with the similarities, she didn't know him anymore.

He still hadn't looked up from what was doing, though he had put on his glasses and Rose took a moment to admire him. He really was quite good looking. She shook her head. They weren't like that. He was her friend, her best friend, and she… well, she was his Rose.

She moved to the jump seat and took her bag. It was time to leave. She thought of her bed waiting for her at home, tried to imagine how comfortable it would be on this cold night, but she felt herself longing for another bed, one that she would not allow herself access to yet.

"Rose, stay." His voice was so quiet, but so near, she jumped in surprise. She felt his hands softly take her shoulders and he turned her around to face him, flashing her a cheeky grin. "Besides it's cold out there, and you didn't bring a coat. Can't have you catching your death. Have to break in a whole new companion then. And that's more work than it's worth."

She had to resist the urge to lean back into him, to take the comfort and warmth he was offering, but she knew that if she gave in now she would never leave and she wasn't ready for that, not yet."Really, I should go," she protested again, though her resolve was weakening.

"Why?" he asked quietly, holding her gaze. She looked away, not able to hide her confusion about their situation from him. But he seemed to figure it out anyway, and he spoke his next words with sadness. "Ah, things are different now. Got it."

His hands dropped and she felt a loss at the contact.

"No, they're not," she protested, though it sounded weak to even her ears.

"Really, Rose, I understand. Now off you go."

"Doctor…." The lie had been ready on her tongue but she knew that if they were to have anything like they'd had before she had to be honest with him. "It's just all this," she gestured to his new body, hoping that he would understand, "It's going to take some getting used to."

"Rose, it's fine." And like that he went back to his work at the console, ignoring her. Okay, maybe things weren't that different from before. "Just going to do some recalibrating, so we are ready to leave tomorrow." He paused, his eyes seeking hers from across the room. "That is if you still want to go with me."

His voice was soft so unsure that Rose felt the guilt well up inside her. "Of course I do." The words rushed out of her without any thought and she could tell that he noticed the touch of uncertainty there.

"Rose, I'm a different man now. It's not going to be exactly the same it was before."

"I know." she answered, wondering if she continued to say it aloud she might one day believe it.

"Do you though, really?" She could hear the skepticism and shut her eyes. She thought she did, but she wasn't sure. All she knew was that she wanted to try. She tried to explain that to him, but found that her voice no longer seemed to work. He seemed to take her silence as her answer and spoke with a hint of bitterness in his voice. "That's what I thought."

He turned away and she felt as if she had been dismissed. She wanted to try. Damn him for not listening; for giving up on her so easily. He had lectured her only days before about giving up on him, and here he was doing the same to her. Arrogant, hypocritical Time Lord. Finding her inner Tyler strength, she marched up to him. She pulled on his shoulder to make him turn and face her.

"Will there be running?" her voice was soft and unsure but she stood facing him, her gaze locked on his.

"What?" He stared at her as if she had grown a second head, but she refused to be deterred.

"Will there be running?" She repeated, slower this time, enunciating each word.

She held his gaze, daring him to be the one to look away first. He was searching her face, she knew he was looking for the confirmation that she was willing to try, that part of her believed that he was still the Doctor.

After a moment he grinned at her and she found herself matching his grin, tooth for tooth.

"Oh yes, Rose Tyler. There will be running."

"Then it won't be that different."

"No," he said, smiling wistfully. "Better with two, right?" She nodded her agreement.

They stood there for a moment and Rose felt things change between them. Yes, it would be different, but it would still be fantastic. She was about to head to her room when he drew her into a hug that lifted her off her feet. "Now," he said, putting her down. "Go home, kiss Jackie and Mickey…well, not Mickey, please not Mickey." She giggled and was rewarded with another grin. "Then get some rest. I'll be here in the morning."

"Promise?"

"Of course."

She smiled, grabbed her bag from the jump seat again, and walked down the ramp. Pausing at the door, she turned back around and noticed he had gone back to his tinkering.

"Doctor."

"Hmm."

"Thank you." She left unspoken what she really wanted to say: _Thank you for understanding. Thank you for not pressuring me. Thank you for believing that it will work out. Just thank you._

He looked up at her, and she knew he understood the hidden meanings in those two words when he simply answered, "You're welcome."

Yes, they were going to be alright.


End file.
